


Dear Evan Hansen, Today....Is Not So Wonderful.

by orphan_account



Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson (Broadway Cast) Actor RPF
Genre: F/M, Friends to Lovers, M/M, Suicide, Suicide Attempt, lying, suicide note
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-13
Updated: 2020-01-13
Packaged: 2021-02-25 00:14:13
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,883
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22246792
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: A three page story based on Dear Evan Hansen that I did for my English class. A boy that says a lie lets it grow bigger and bigger, and it finally all comes down on him.
Relationships: Connor Murphy & Evan Hansen, Cynthia Murphy/Larry Murphy, Zoe Murphy/Evan Hansen
Kudos: 2





	Dear Evan Hansen, Today....Is Not So Wonderful.

This was wrong. Of course, it was. What he had done was positively and downright wrong. Perhaps what Evan Hansen had done was immoral, maybe even cruel, but nothing about this story was right, and he knew it deep down in his heart. 

Evan Hansen had done wrong, and no one else in the world knew about it besides his family friend that could hardly care about it, Jared. Jared barely cared about Evan’s feelings and Evan wish he could say the feeling was mutual but there was no part in Evan that could possibly  _ hate _ someone… He was a normal kid. He was a senior in high school, all A-B’s and was a big fan of jazz. He wasn’t a sociopath, like Jared constantly joked about. He went to therapy to work on his anxiety.  _ Anxiety. _ Now that’s where normal begins to falter. When he wants to talk, it’s like his brain wants him to retract from any of it. His hands get sweaty, his voice trembles, and he backs away. He hated that part of himself. It was the real reason for him to not have any friends, because in his mind, he  _ can’t even talk to them. _

But then there’s Jared, right? Jared Kleinman. Everyone’s  _ best _ friend. Hilarious, knows everyone and their cousin, practically has the school at his fingertips. The teachers weren’t exactly fond of him, but his peers liked to keep him around for the good jokes and some interesting times. But...oh right. All he really liked having Evan around was for his car insurance. 

Now Evan sat in the bedroom of the lovely Zoe Murphy, he was thumbing through a tree guide that he had gotten from his previous job as an apprentice park ranger as she went downstairs to get snacks for the two of them. Zoe had agreed to study for a Spanish test and Evan decided to show her some of his interests which happened to include trees. 

He didn’t seem exactly surprised when a ghostly figure appeared on the bed beside him. In fact, he hardly took notice of the slim boy that was eyeing him from his spot on the bed. The ghost was somewhat lifelike. He resembled the dead brother of Zoe Murphy, named Connor.

Connor wasn't...the smoothest looking person around. His eyes resembled the coals of the fire after the flames had been quenched. His skin was always this pale, especially as a ghost, there was hardly anyway to be able to top how white his skin was. His thin pink lips had been pulled into a small frown as he watched our protagonist. 

“So? When’s the new letters coming in?” He said, his voice hinting to be full of discouragement. “I’d love to hear about how well I was doing in therapy. Maybe we went down to the park? Isn’t that right, Evan? I always  _ loved _ the park.”

The boy snapped his head up towards the ghostly figure, his brown eyes widening before he went to check the Facebook page of _The Connor Project_. His eyes landing on a screenshot of a picture of the letter that Evan had written to himself.   
“She wasn’t supposed to post this. How could she- Oh no.” he tried to take it down, but it simply popped up on his screen that he was no longer an administrator for that organization. His eyes widened more and he began to hyperventilate. “No...no...”

Almost on cue, Zoe burst back into her room, lurching for her laptop and quickly logging into Facebook, she saw the post, along with many...many hateful comments that began to flood through the bottom of the post. Her eyes filled with tears as she looked up at Evan. 

“H-How did they get this, Evan? My brothers suicide note? How did they get it?” she said and looked back down at the laptop, just as her mother Cynthia and father Larry walked into the room, both on their phones. 

“Oh my…have you  _ seen _ this post, Zoe? Oh...some of these are grown men. How did they get Connor’s suicide note?” she looked at Evan, who shrunk back and stayed quiet. 

Zoe watched the comments continue to pour in on the post, her eyes filling with tears. 

“ _ The Murphy's...oh rich Murphy’s. Too stuck up with their money to see the actual hurt their son was dealing with. _ ” Zoe read aloud. “ _ Zoe Murphy too. She goes to my school, too popular to care for her younger brother. _ ”

“I’m going to call the police.” Cynthia breathed and started typing on her phone, but her husband reached out to stop her. 

“Maybe we should wait, let this die down…” Larry said, trying to comfort his distressed wife, who quickly yanked her arm from his grasp. 

“ _ Wait and let it die down _ . That’s what you always said, Larry! Even when I  _ begged _ to take him to therapy. You said it was just some ...form _ of attention _ right?  _ Right? _ He was doing better, Larry! He was getting better, then you refuse to spend another dime on our boy, he was hurting on the inside, but improving! Right Evan?” she turned to him.

Evan was staring wide-eyed at them both. He’d never seen Cynthia so upset in the short time that he had gotten to know her. 

“He- Well...he um-” was all that the boy was able to muster up into a sentence. His brown eyes still wide with panic, like a deer in the headlights, he sighed out shakily. “Maybe I should try calling Alana…” he reached for his phone. 

“Evan did everything he could to help our son, Larry.” Cynthia continued to argue with her husband, who was still looking at the comments that would not stop coming in.

“He was in denial of what was right in front of him!” He argued back, face starting to get red. Evan looked up at them and shook his head slowly, starting to get worried. His girlfriend tore her head away from his shoulder to angrily glare at her parents. 

“Don’t put him in the middle of this! It’s not his fault that we lost Connor.” She spat at her parents, who really didn’t even seem to mind her, still having their own quarrel. 

“You read the note Larry! It says that he wanted to be better. He was  _ getting _ better, but you refused to let him continue going to therapy- after all of his battles in his mind. You  _ refused _ !” she glanced to Evan, who was slowly shaking his head, this was wrong, and he knew it. He could see how easily the world he loved just crumbled around him.

“We failed him.” Cynthia breathed, “We all failed him. Our son, your brother, your friend. Oh Connor…” 

“No! Stop! You didn't-you didn’t fail him.” Evan said quickly, his eyes wide as he looked between the two. “He-... He didn’t  _ write _ it! I did. It’s my letter. My therapist wanted me to write a letter to myself- Connor, he….he didn’t write it.” 

The room fell silent, but Evan just continued. 

“Like a pep talk, right? ‘Dear Evan Hansen,’ It’s a pep talk. To myself, to help with my anxiety. I was supposed to take it to my appointment but um- Connor took it from me when he read it. He was upset and took it. I-I guess he just kept it in his pocket. But he didn’t- no. He didn’t write it.”

Zoe slowly looked up at her boyfriend, confusion filling her eyes as she searched his, her voice came out gentle a soft, reaching slowly to take his hand.

“Evan, what are you talking about...?”

“Connor and I weren’t friends. We hardly talked to one another. I didn’t know him.”

Cynthia looked up, hurt splitting through her face, she began to pace, her whole world crumbling before her. 

“No...no no no...This can’t be…” She covered her mouth and let out a broken sob, hurrying herself out of the bedroom. Evan stared after her, tears building up and threatening to escape his eyes. 

Zoe stared at Evan, not saying anything and standing up quickly, shoving him out of her way and following behind her mom, leaving Evan and Larry alone in the room. Evan stared at Larry. The only father figure he had ever gotten to have. Larry sighed, before following after his daughter and wife. Leaving Evan alone with Connor, who had appeared at the door way, staring after his family. He slowly turned his head to look at him, shaking his head slightly. 

“They are broken again, because of you.” Connor said idly, gazing back down the hallway. “Broken because a kid wanted a family that actually cared for him.”

“I just-...yeah. That’s what I wanted.” Evan looked down and sighed, staring at the figure in the doorway, Connor shook his head slowly and looked over to Evan. Evan blinked and stared back at him, tears falling down his face as Connor slowly disappeared, leaving Evan staring at the doorway with soft gasps of sobs escaping him as he let the realization sink in. 

Evan had eventually walked silently back home, noticing the light hue of the kitchen light being on as he walked up the steps to his home. He quietly sighed and opened the door, seeing his mother in the kitchen with a box of pizza, on her phone. She looked up at Evan.

“Have you seen this? Dear Evan Hansen- is this- he didn’t write this, did he? Was it you? Dear Evan Hansen..” Heidi Hansen looked at her son, who stood, stunned in the doorway, his eyes still red from crying at the Murphy’s. He nodded silently. 

“Oh Evan...I didn’t know..” Heidi was quiet, staring at him. 

“I should’ve told you mom ...I shouldn’t have-”

“You shouldn’t have had to tell me Evan, I’m your mother- Oh...honey.”

“I lied...about so much. Not just Connor- just...oh...you should hate me. Why don’t you  _ hate _ me? If you knew about me-”

“I already do know about you Evan.” she sat her phone down and walked towards her son. “I already know you. And I love you for who you are.” She offered her arms, and he quickly threw himself into them, burying his face in her shoulder. And crying into her jacket. 

“I know how I have been, Evan. I- I should have been there more for you. You’re my son. I’m proud of you- I’ll always be here. You shouldn’t have to try to lie your way to get someone else in your life. I’m your mom Evan, and I’ll be here with you forever.”

Evan stayed quiet, holding onto his mom. Tears slipping down his face silently as he just held onto her, his heart pounding in his chest. 

“Even when things are so hard or so easy, I’ll be here, Evan. For you. Forever and always, you’ll see...” She assured him, patting his back and hugging her son close. 

Evan closed his eyes, his body sinking a little into his moms as she held him close to herself. His mom cared. He was able to see that now, see the love that she truly did have for him. He gripped onto her and sighed out. 

“Thank you, mom...” 

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading this! Check out my Tumblr @whatistarnationn if you would like to give any personal feedback or just wanna talk! :-)


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